Dear Dr. Mo Love,

I am 25 years old, and would consider myself the aggressive stud/butch type if I were to be put into a category. The women I live with is 15 years older than me and has 2 children that are in their late teens and early twenties which poses our first problem but is by no means our main problem. The kids come and go as they please and are always in need of some type of financial support which comes out of our household budget. That poses a problem because of the difficult economic times we are facing right now. When I met my girl she was on the down low for whatever her reasons were – we fell in love decided we wanted to move in together and she promised me her “down low” would not be a problem. She assured me that she wanted the relationship and she had no reason to hide her love for me. Well to say the least, she has not lived up to her promise, she is still hiding our relationship and says she is uncomfortable about being called gay, or displaying public affection or anything that would indicate she was with a women. Recently we were out to dinner with my mother who is in a gay relationship and has no problem with me being gay-but even then her disposition was quiet and noncommittal, she acted as if she didn’t want my mother and her lover to know that we were in love. I’ve had enough of this down low mess, I am ready to leave but because of the financial disaster we have gotten ourselves in to, it is hard to just walk out on her but I’m sick of the promises, I need someone who is out like me and proud of who they are and who they are with.

Dear Promises Promises,

You should know that it is always going to be difficult for women who are out to be involved with women on the down low. In our culture the old myth of “opposites attract” does not hold true. In fact, in lesbian culture that myth is pretty much nil. She may have tricked you when she told you she would leave her down low status behind when you two got together. The fact is she really loved you and would tell you anything to keep you by her side. You see, people that make promises they don’t keep for personal gain are usually selfish as well. She has no intentions of coming out anytime soon, especially if she was uncomfortable around your mom whom you say is in a lesbian relationship. Promises, don’t be fooled by your current financial state with this women. Do not use that as an excuse to stay with her. Figure out ways you guys can part ways and work out your finances simultaneously! It can be done.  Why would you stay with a women that is not proud of who she has as a partner?  It is really a put down to you.  Is she saying you are not good enough to express her affection to or with? Please note that there are places you should consider not showing affection toward each other because it is my belief that you should not make others feel uncomfortable, but in most instances it is okay to show affection.   Holding hands or inner locking arms is okay and you deserve it Promises.  Research every bill you have together, find out the balances, due dates, early termination fees, and what arrangements you can make on each one of them. Sit down with your girl with a solid plan as to how you are going to leave the relationship responsibly. Know what the totals of all of your bills and obligations are, split everything down the middle, give her the due dates for bill and call it a wrap as it is said in the movie business. Get out of the relationship now Promises.  Life is too short.  You are only 25 years old with the entire world waiting for you to achieve great things. As I often say to our readers, your season is over with Ms. Down Low.  You have bigger fish to fry. Good luck.

“Ask Dr. Mo Love” is an advice column for entertainment purposes only. The advice given is that of Wong Cook, a contributor for Black Gay Gossip, public speaker, stud swagger coach, entertainment writer for lesbianlife.about.com and author of “50 Secrets-Becoming The Perfect Lesbian Stud.” You can get Wong Cook’s “50 Secrets” book at Amazon.com or fidelipublishing.com.

Email info@blackgaygossip.com if you would like Dr. Mo Love to address your dilemmas or concerns.