Dear Dr. Mo Love,

My partner and I just ended a 2 year relationship, while the decision was mutual she was the one who actually left the domain that we shared. It started out really cool but as time went on the separation got nasty and more nasty. As lovers we shared pillow talk, we shared moments that I would not think of sharing with anyone one else, it would not be right and I know that it would cause trouble with our family members and other friends and associates. Today I learned from one of her family members that she went back and told her things that we discussed and not only that she twisted things around and added things that were not true. I am so pissed off right now, too pissed off to approach her. I’m afraid that if I say something to her that things will become even more messed up in our circle of family and friends. I’m unsure about whether I should approach her or not about the lies she has told to a family member that I happen to still have a more than decent relationship with. So should I call her on the carpet and ask her to stop with trying to create these wedges or should I ignore it? I am so disappointed in her. I gave her more credit than what she deserves.

Disappointed In My Ex’s Actions,

Dear Disappointed,

When break ups occur, there is usually a certain amount of unpleasantness that is bound to take place so don’t feel like you are alone in this. This is typical in partners parting ways. It is important for you to understand that fact, doing so will help you to ignore your ex’s actions. Right now she is doing things she feel will perhaps make her look like the bigger person, or her motive could possibly be – to have people look at you in a negative light. Regardless of her reasons for behaving this way,  don’t “stoop to her level,” as my grandmother would say. Be the bigger person, turn the other cheek and ignore it! If the person she is telling these things to entertains it and holds a grudge against you without asking you about it, then you may have to end up writing that person off as well. But, if the person does approach you for clarity, then there is your opportunity to set the record straight without saying anything derogatory about your ex. Remember you are the bigger person and now the relationship is over, your energy should be spent on healing and making yourself better. Here are two things you should embrace right now: moving on and massive success are the best revenge. Stay focused and make moves that will better your life.  Don’t allow anything or anyone to get in the way of that. Ignore your ex, it’s over and when something is over you don’t look back. Live your life as if she doesn’t exist and see how soon you move on. People who know you will continue to like you for who you are; but whatever you do, don’t approach your ex.  Don’t give her the satisfaction.

“Ask Dr. Mo Love” is an advice column for entertainment purposes only. The advice given is that of Wong Cook, a contributor for Black Gay Gossip, public speaker, stud swagger coach, entertainment writer for lesbianlife.about.com and author of “50 Secrets-Becoming The Perfect Lesbian Stud.” You can get Wong Cook’s “50 Secrets” book at Amazon.com or fidelipublishing.com.

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