Dear Dr. Mo Love,

I am what one would call a stud, butch, aggressive, pretty boi type or whatever you want to call it lesbian. I mean I am completely masculine. I have been ever since I can remember, even as a child I can remember feeling more comfortable in boys clothing, wanting to hang out with the boys in my neighborhood where I played every sport with them, from tackle football to horse shoe. I am over 30 now so I have been in the life for a while. When I became of age I went to a barber shop, not a beauty salon for my haircuts and texturizers. So I am what some would call “all boy.” My problem is, I do not like to be touched in my vagina area which has created a problem for me since I have been sleeping with women. Some women I have slept with don’t have a problem with it but most of them want to perform the 69 thang with me. I explain to them that I am a giver, I love going down on them and doing whatever it is to satisfy them sexually, I get off by strapping it on and seeing how I can send them into exploding like fireworks, I mean, that’s enough for me. I have never had anything inside of me bigger than a middle finger and even that sometimes is uncomfortable for me, but I go along with it if my partner insist. I am with someone who I really care about now and I don’t want to lose this one cause shorty is an all around 10! She wants to do the 69 thang and I have been putting it off. She tells me that she cares about me but even though she is a femme this is something she enjoys and pretty much require in her sex life, and if I really cared about her like I said I do then I would allow her to go down on me. I will be seeing her in March (we don’t live in the same city) and I guess I should say this is my deadline to show up and let her show out! I am afraid to go through with this because I don’t think I am going to like it but I do care for her and don’t want to lose her. Should I go through with it and fake it, or should I stick to who I am and let her go if she can’t deal with how I feel about this? I need your help, I am torn up about this.

Torn Up
Orlando Fl

Dear Torn Up,

You should start out by talking to your girl. Do a good job of explaining to her why you have this hang up in the first place. Is it because you have never been touched there and you are uneasy about the possible outcome?  Are you concerned with the smell or taste of your vagina?  Is it because it’s something physiological and your masculine tendencies have created a mental block on having a women touch you there?  Or, are you mistaking receiving pleasure from your girl with being weak or not in control?

You should also know the desire to not have a woman touch you in that area is not a rare or unusual mindset with aggressive, stud-like lesbians. In fact,  Kathy Beige, a writer on lesbian sexual relationships with about.com, states:

“Being a lesbian means you desire a romantic and sexual relationship with another woman. It does not dictate what form that sexual relationship takes. Some lesbians have very fulfilling sex lives and do not engage in oral sex or cunnilingus. There are many ways for two women to be sexual together and they do not involve oral sex.”

What you don’t want to do, Torn Up, is to fake it. Talk it out with your girl.  If she loves you like you say you care for her, she will listen. Effectively communicate your reasoning to her.  You may very well learn some things about yourself that would open you up to at least letting her try it.

Note: You should always take precautions to practice safe sex. Do your research or consult your pharmacy about protection for oral sex.

THOUGHTS???

“Ask Dr. Mo Love” is an advice column for entertainment purposes only.  The advice given is that of Wong Cook, a contributor for Black Gay Gossip, motivational speaker, stud swagger coach and author of “50 Secrets-Becoming The Perfect Lesbian Stud.” You can get Wong Cook’s “50 Secrets” book at Amazon.com or fidelipublishing.com.

Email info@blackgaygossip.com  if you would like Dr. Mo Love to address your dilemmas or concerns.